How a Moderator Can Deal with a Bully

Watch some of this video from the second 2012 presidential debate. Candy Crawley has to moderate (that is, lead) a debate between two people who are used to being the leader in their own worlds. Pay particular attention to the body language of Mitt Romney.



There is a key manipulation technique being used here by Romney and to a lesser extent by Obama. Notice how Romney walks forward toward Crawley as he tries to take over the conversation. That is a bullying technique. It is aggressively asserting power including a subtle threat of assault. Walking toward someone like this is a push for the other person to back down. And, as he gets closer, he makes himself appear both larger and higher in Crawley's vision as she is seated. This is another way of asserting power.

So, Crawley is put in an awkward position as the leader of the debate. She is being bullied by a presumptively powerful man. In most situations, he would expect to demand the leadership role in a room. But, Crawley is the leader in this situation, and she must retain the leadership in order to make the event successful. Part of the awkwardness comes because she can't rudely stand up and tell him to back off and follow the rules. But, she still needs to back him down. You can decide how good a job she did.

We find ourselves in these situations when we have to lead a meeting that includes managers above us in hierarchy. When I find myself in this situation, I emphasize the role I've been asked to play, and use the magic phrase "I need." It works wonders. "My role here is to keep us on track. I need to ask you to hold that thought for a few minutes." It's tough, but it's your role as the leader.

Women and Office Politics

As the father of two daughters, I'm keenly interested in the role of gender in business. This Harvard Business Review blog article caught my attention: Three Ways Women Can Make Office Politics Work For Them.

I particularly liked the Mary Matalin quote, "This business about politics at work being sleazy drives me crazy. Virtue can be the essence of politics. The reality is that politics can be just as virtuous or as sleazy as you are." That's a lesson that breaks the gender barrier.

Bloggers Helping People Live with Medical Issues

I've been touched recently by the blog posts of two young women I know. They have used the power of blogging to share their experiences of living with medical problems. I know that they are confronted with their medical issues every day, and not simply medically. They deal with whom they can tell, what they should hide, and how they perceive themselves. These are personal struggles, not just medical ones. I know this, but I struggle to understand it. I'm eagerly trying to understand.

I know from experience that these kinds of issues are difficult to empathize with. Unless you are extraordinarily lucky, you will know someone who struggles with such an issue, perhaps a child, a spouse, or a close friend. Children in particular need someone who knows what they are going through, and can put words to their feelings in a way that you may not be able to. They need someone who experiences the same things they do, who could share with them, telling them it will be alright, or that it won't if that is the case.

These two young bloggers fill that role for others who live with the same conditions they do. They also give people like me more insight into their lives, which makes me better able to support them, and others living with medical issues. This can't be easy for them. They have to bear potentially open wounds to accomplish this, but they do it anyway.

Seldom am I as proud of the courage of leadership, as I am of these two women. Check out their blogs at:

I Love Pancakes
Girls Don't Poop

Skip the Form Letters, They Are Missed Opportunities

Recently I wrote an article about how Whitman's candies lost me as a loyal customer due to misleading packaging. They put 12 pieces of candy in a box that could have held 30 pieces. The weight on the label was the only indication of the sneaky packaging. While I wrote the blog article, my wife send a complaint letter to Russell Stover who made the box.

Today, we received a response from Russell Stover. Unfortunately, they missed the opportunity to win us back. Instead of an acknowledgement of the problem we got a form letter explaining that the "box was filled by weight and not by volume," and how the "net weight must comply with all Federal and State regulations." I won't share the whole letter here out of respect for the confidentiality statement they appended. I'm sure such things are not legally enforceable, but I see no compelling need to go against their request.

How should a leader respond to such a customer complaint? Russell Stover was stuck between not wanting to admit wrongdoing and knowing that such packaging is misleading. Rather than defensively explaining how their customer didn't understand their correct actions, a leader can fall back on the truth, even if it isn't a confession of guilt. In this case perhaps, "We understand how you could have felt deceived by our packaging choice. We will convey your concerns to our management. We hope we can better serve you with our products in the future." These are all things that are true and affirming. We would have preferred, "We shouldn't have done that."

Ill Will From Misleading Packaging

Every year when I was a kid I got a four-piece Whitman's sampler in my Christmas stocking. I've always had a warm place in my heart for Whitman's candies. So I was excited when a friend brought us this large box of Whitman Reserve chocolates. Tonight we opened it and excitement turned to disappointment and disgust. The 2½-inch box had a single 1-inch layer of chocolates in it. Instead of a second layer, it had a false bottom. My daughters said it was "cheap".

I've come to expect the typical packaging tricks. Each of the 12 pieces of chocolate was nestled in its own protective plastic form. The plastic separated each piece by about ¾ inch. That makes up 43% package spacing on the long side and 48% package spacing on the short side. Protecting the bottom of each piece of candy is a packaging buffer of ¼ inch, in addition to the 1-inch false bottom. It's a shame that these kinds of tricks don't surprise me any more.

I looked forward to that beautiful, big box of "Reserve" chocolates. From its size, I expected the box to have two to three dozen premium chocolates. Seeing my beloved Whitman's dream squashed by a meager single layer changed my opinion of the brand.

The box was labeled to contain 7oz., but I have no doubt that the package design is intended to make me believe it contains much more. But what customers like me will take away from this kind of packaging is that the brand I used to value is a brand that is trying to mislead me. That's not a brand I can trust.

It's a shame really; the chocolates were good. I can't be the only faithful customer they have lost with this poor decision. When making cost-saving decisions for your own company, look for ways that don't make your customers feel deceived.